The Collective: Weird Trek

Although much of the talk about collectibles focuses on models, figures, toys, statues, and the like, there is a lot more to Trek merchandise. Some of the stranger items in the past have included the Mr. Spock liquor decanter, cigar wrappers, candy bars, a marshmallow dispenser, and even a garage door opener. But there are still a number of strange Trek products for you to add to your collection. In this week’s "Collective" we have gathered together some of these lesser known items which are currently available…check it out below

The Star Trek Train
Trek meets the tracks with a brand new first of its kind Star Trek train set. The train features HO track scaling with lights, featuring the characters or scenes from the Kirk era show.  This is no toy, rather it is an heirloom quality collectibles for fans of Star Trek.  Each train is $69.95 plus shipping, with free tracks and power packs.  Available exclusively from .

The Star Trek Putter
If you consider the green to be the final frontier you may want to consider the Goldsmith Star Trek Putter. Limited to the ubiquitously utilized number of 1,701, this real putter is said to offer a "moment of inertia 40% better than average putters." A bundle featuring the putter cover and other items is available for about $120 from Golfsmith’s website.

You like Trek and Peanuts…why not combine them with this Woodstock Spock figurine, available from

Voice activated light control
Ever wanted to pretend you were Picard and walk into a room and say "lights!" and have it actually work? Well you can with the Star Trek Voice Activated Light Switch & Dimmer available at KlearGear. It lets you set any lamp to three different levels with simple verbal commands and it responds back to you using the voice of Majel Barrett Roddenberry.

Wolo Star Trek Car Horn
Turn your car into the U.S.S. Enterprise!  Wolo makes a Star Trek car horn that plays the theme from the Kirk era. [CLICK Hear a sample]  This may sound weird, yet it is better than the Godfather or Macarena horns which are also available. (note this is apparently not a licensed product so if you want one, get it before CBS has them all pulled). The Wolo Horn is currently available at Amazon.

Star Trek Deeds or Certificates
Want to own a piece of Star Trek? Well you can as provides land deeds to various Star Trek locales (like Planet Vulcan) as well as diplomas (so you can now add Starfleet Academy to your resume). These archival quality items are designed by Michael and Denise Okuda, and some include signatures from Star Trek actors (those are pricier of course).  

Don’t tell Stephen Colbert, but The Hamilton Collection is now offering a subscription to a Star Trek bear statue line.  The first in the collection is "Captain James T. Kirk" for $19.95, which is available this June.  Oddly, this isn’t the first time Star Trek characters have been rendered as bears.  Teddy bear versions of Kirk and Spock are available from Star Trek The Experience on occasion, along with a plush version of Porthos. The item is not on the website, but CLICK HERE for a scan of the print ad with instructions for ordering.


Customized IPods
Perhaps inspired by the episode "The Apple," Etchstar provides customized Apple iPods and MacBooks.  Although Expensive, these items are a perfect compliment of computers and Trek and offer artwork and up to five lines of personalized text etched right into the iPod or laptop. The iPods prices start at $249 for a nano, while the MacBook is about $1600.  This is available from Etchstar.

Star Trek Checks
Although it is said there is no money in Star Trek’s future, we still have to deal with it today. So why not bring a little Trek to your hard earned latinum?  Anthony Grandio provides Star Trek checks with bold pictures of the crew or their ships.  These are some of the few collectibles that feature every version of the Star Trek television shows. For the best checking experience, be sure to check out the Star Trek address labels and checking covers. More details at

Credit cards
If credit is your thing you can get a Star Trek Master Card from Bank of
America. Before being purchased by BofA, MBNA offered a selection of designs (and even some discounts at former Paramount Parks and the now defunct official Star Trek fan club), but now just offer one design for a Star Trek Platinum Visa. Call BofA at 1.800.732.9194. There used to be cards available in Canada, UK and Germany but it isn’t clear if they still are.


Star Trek Collectible Chips
Collectables Mania, a new company "dedicated to the exciting world of limited edition collectable chips" (not to be confused with pogs) are offering a line of chips for "Cult TV’ including the new Battlestar, Red Dwarf, Thunderbirds and Star Trek. They have run advertising in SFX magazine promoting the chips, but the website  appears to be down. So it isn’t clear if this product will still be available.

One Armed Trek bandit
Although it isn’t something you can ‘collect’ it still is a little weird — Star Trek is headed to a casino near you in the form of a slot machine. Announced last year, the Star Trek slots from WMS gaming [see story] offer players the chance to have a ‘personalized episodic experience’ while playing, complete with video clips. The machines should start showing up in casinos later this year.

Star Trek Funeral products
Our final product is truly the final product. Last year CBS granted a license to Eternal Images to make Star Trek funereal products. The first two items are an urn and a photon torpedo casket. See our previous story for more details. If you are ready to out out in Star Trek style, then goto Eternal Images Website

More weird Trek in our future…lets hope so
As recently reported here, the merchandising plans for the new Star Trek movie are just shaping up. Although it is expected that there will be lots of the usual suspects, lets hope that we also see some of the more unusual items as well. If Star Wars can have the Darth Vader nut cracker, there is certainly a place for a little out of the box thinking at CBS and Paramount for Trek.

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I thought about getting the Marshmallow dispenser (A ST V promo item with craft), but opted to get the ST V commincators instead

Woodspock? Is that you?

Oops that was Kraft not craft :)

I want the Hamilton Bear

What, no Star Trek toilet paper??

When will we get to see Star Trek: The Flame-Thrower? :)

The Star Trek train set would look good under a Trekkie Xmas tree full of Star Trek Hallmark ornaments. LOL.

Woodstock Spock is definitely the weirdest Trek item I’ve seen yet. I love Peanuts and Star Trek, but would’ve never thought to combine the two. What’s next, Snoopy Sulu? Andorian Peppermint Patty?

I really am just curious (this is not intended as criticism at all; I’m asking for professional reasons): was this article written with dictation software of some kind? I ask because a couple of years ago I wrote large portions of one of my books with dictation software, and I encountered homophone issues similar to this article’s “earn” for “urn.” I’ve been shying away from the software since, waiting for the tech to improve a little.

They seriously need to make a clockradio that wakes you up to Spock’s voice deeply intoning “It is now 6:00am and it would be logical for you to arise and face your relentlessly high-pressure, stomach-churning choice which you refer to as a career”, or something along those lines. I would LOVE to wake up to Spock’s voice!

John Ross….no that was me…the funeral things was a last minute addition by me the editor…and I typed it really fast and when I do that sometimes I screw up…actually most of the time

Now all we need is a pack of Starfleet issue condoms. With as much sleeping around Kirk did he’ll need something to avoid winding up spending time in McCoys good ol’ country VD clinic.

Hey, did you hear about the Star Trek vibrator?

With it you always get an amazing BORGasm!

#10: Ah, okay; thanks! Actually that’s kind of cool, though … if your brain can do a homophone swap in high speed (even if you don’t want it to) that indicates some very interesting wiring. We shall send along a saucer to hurry you to our orbital dissection facility for processing and psi-testing (don’t worry about the name, it’s, uh, a cute inside joke about puppies …).

This is the sort of thing that gives unrestrained capitalism – not to mention Trekkies – a bad rep.

Harry- Groan… Harry, we all know you will be able to come up with at least 1008 ST versions of the root word. Personally, I think the Kirk condoms are a the best idea.

#9: I’d personally fancy one where Nichelle Nichols calls me “sugar.” :)

Anthony- Was it Trekmovie where I saw a picture of new ST slot machines that were going in at the Hilton in Vegas?

A Spock engraving on the back of a U2 iPod, that would be suh-weet!

JR- Wouldn’t every red-blooded male who ever watched her (and if there are aliens now on the planet, them as well).

That star trek coffen is sweet,,




you are correct we ran a story on trek slots. It wasn’t in the above article because that isn’t something you ‘collect’ but since it is weird I put it back in…I hope John doesn’t mind me butchering his article which he worked hard on. But I am the EDITOR and THE DECIDER so it went in…thanks for the suggestion

Wow. Paramount is really scraping the bottom of the barrel here. Milk that cash cow!

does that slot machine pay out money, or is that “personal episodic experience” all that you get when it comes to gambling?

Denise, if they decide to go retro and make them sheepskin condoms, do you know what a great brand name for them would be?


Denise, you said, “I think the Kirk condoms are the best idea”

I can see the size range now……..small, medium, large and………..wait for it………Captain’s Log!


Anthony- LOL… THE DECIDER! I didn’t mean to intimate that it should be in the article, I was just trying to remember where I saw it. I should have known, as anything relevant to ST is here. Also Anthony, have you ever heard of a Spock ice canister, such as one might find on a (tacky) bar? I seem to remember somewhere in the past seeing one – of course, one lifts the top of Spock’s head to take out the ice cubes… Man, it was things like that which led Nimoy to take on Paramount over his image and licensing issues.

Harry- LOL! Okay, I grudgingly admit, you are on a roll with the condoms. Have at it, my dear.


I am THE DECIDER, John is THE COLLECTOR. As I have said before, I have almost no Trek collectibles. That is why John writes this column. He will drop by and answer questions…in fact he has suggested doing a ‘ask the collector’ thing. He knows everything or knows people who know what he doesn’t know

I know nothing

The voice activated light control makes me LOL, for some reason. There are several people I know who likely bought and are actually using this device.

Anthony- “I know nothing”… We are all laughing!

I have 2 TNG glow in the dark pogs. Deanna Troi and Worf.

I also have a star trek teddy bear. He has the rank of Commander. Him I baught at the ST Experience in Vegas. :D

An odd thing you didn’t mention are the Star Trek Marbles. I have the TNG set! Each one has an image of one of the cast members in it. :D

I’d kill for the voice activated light control thing. That would be awesome. Also wouldn’t mind to get some property! *lol*

A Kirk condom?

Hey, what did Kirk say to the condom in the middle of a date?

“Cover me up, I’m goin’ in!”

What do you call 365 Kirk condoms rolled into 1?

A Good Year!

enough ballz you are bording on spammng

Harry- Very good Harry. I know coming up with all those must be hard… I mean challenging… And on that high note (or should I say low note) I must depart. Parting is such sweet, sweet sorrow…

Sorry, Anthony….no more…I’m done!

This too much!!! Good to see some other posters back online!

Sorry for the typos! insert “is”

The train reminds me that my mother always called it “Star Track” anyway.

i always really liked the BORG BUBBLE BATH & BORG SOAP from all that First Conract mania in 1997. I know when I think bubble baths, I think Borg!!

Boy. And we thought paramount was cashing in like never before. Seems like they were small fry compared to the new management.

Star Trek Pez. Never happened. Most illogical.

Still waiting for the official TOS Communicator/cell phone. that would rule.

I can’t believe you left out the Star Trek TOS Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! I have the full set of four (Kirk, Spock, Scotty, McCoy) still in the original packaging!

Re: #34. Anthony

Oh, so THAT’S what spamming is!


This website is INCREDIBLE!! (Good night, Anthony.)


Now I know what I wanna be buried in 8D

this article is about current weird trek. Maybe some day John will do an article on PAST weird Trek…which there is a great deal.

This is sick!

I’m a model railroader, so the train would be a natural for me… if it wasn’t so ridiculously expensive for each issue, that is.

Great article! My father-in-law found a pristine Mr. Spock liquor decanter — sans liquor, unfortunately — at a flea market many years ago and gave it to me as a birthday gift. I used to keep it in my office with one of those mini baseball helmet bowls from McDonald’s on its head (fit perfectly). Weirded people out….