Worst Trek Tie In…Ever [UPDATED w/ More Bears!]

CBS beat Paramount to recasting Captain Kirk…


UPDATE: but wait…there’s more

Dear Valued Client,

Thank you for contacting us about the newly advertised STAR TREK FAITHFUL FUZZIES collection.

Currently there are 6 pieces that have been named in this collection. Artists may choose to shorten or lengthen the series based on demand for their product and the number of products in the series is not guaranteed.

Products within this series are offered at intervals based on production schedules. We try to ship every 30 days if possible (pending product availability). The next shipment will be sent to you after payment is received for the previous delivery, and as it becomes available to us from the manufacturer. If you pay by credit card, your card will be charged automatically once each piece ships. Collectors who have reserved an entire collection may cancel at any time.

The following is a list of items in this collection:

09 01282 001 CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK     $ 19.95
09 01282 002 SPOCK                                 $ 19.95
09 01282 003 BONES                                 $ 19.95
09 01282 004 SULU                                    $ 19.95
09 01282 005 UHURA                                 $ 19.95
09 01282 006 SCOTTY                                $ 19.95

Please respond to this email if we may be of further assistance. You may also call our toll free number, which is 1-877-268-6638; our hours are 7:00 AM to 6:00 PM (CT), Monday through Friday. Be sure to visit the collectiblestoday.com online store by clicking on the following hyperlink: http://www.collectiblestoday.com.


Rebecca Jones
collectiblestoday.com Customer Service


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That looks like a cheap, tacky cash in.
I must have it.

I always thought of Kirk as more of a dog….

hmmm… TiBEARius? Coincidence? I think it looks like a piece of pooh.


use a pun…go to prison

Wow, a collectible that annoys both fans AND the general public.

Congrats, Hamilton Collection. Bravo.

Pooh, pooh on CBSParamount.

amazed by the details?… Where’s the lovely yeoman serving coffee or the classic torn uniform top? Is there a matching blonde toupee?

I can’t wait until the Spock bear shows up. With those ears the figurine will positively Yoda-like.
“facinating it is….ummmm.”

I can’t bare it! CBS in dipping in the honey pot yet again!

*goes to prison

When I saw this in the newspaper I thought… no this can’t be, I’m seeing things. This is a knock off or something. Yet it wasn’t. Don’t these people get the cute factor is only cute when it IS in fact cute! Did Shatner sign off on this? Or does he not get a first look on any version of himself that has more hair than he does?

What does a bear have to do with 40 years of Trek? They didn’t change anything, the scale of the chair, the size of the buttons, nothing, they just stuck a bear there. I wonder if you pull at the bear if there isn’t an unlicensed, unpainted, unformed Kirk figure under the over sized bear! Well, we couldn’t get a license for Shatner’s Kirk, so we just made it a bear. Nobody will care!

I hate this thing so much… we should nitpick this thing like lepers at a buzzard convention!

At least its an accurate representation of Shatner’s belly after season 1.

I hate it!

What’s the point?

Why is this even on here?

I’m saving my money for the Data bear.

#11 DB
data bear… head slightly cocked, quizzical expression..yes?

#10 Josh
This the fat Shat you wanted?

I can’t BEAR this blant act of commercialism!


Erm…BLATANT act of commercialism….

That is very sad.

Great, because of the body language on this damn bear I’ll never be able to watch an old TOS episode with Kirk sitting in his command chair, leaning forward, chin resting on fist, as he ponders his next move, without thinking of this stupid image! It’s all ruined for me! Ruined, I tells ya!!

Oh boy! I sure hope Stephen Colbert doesn’t get wind of this! You know how much he hates bears!

Wait a minute! There’ve been Star Trek bears before (albeit without a captain’s chair). How big is this bear in comparison with the others?

i like it.

i really dont know why you wouldnt

This actually doesn’t bother me that much. I wouldn’t ever buy it, but it has it’s market.

The most insidious thing about this is that they DID get the body language just right. I mean, except for the treacly care-bearishness, that’s definitely Kirk. That’s his posture and expression, in bear form. Does anyone else remember the “Smile Time” episode of “Angel”…?


Well its for the Star Trek Fan that has to have everything. Like the plates and Mugs were not enough, Next up!!! Star Trek Toilet paper!

Guys–don’t buy it if you can’t BEAR it. I won’t.

But don’t knock the teddy bear market — OMG, those people WILL snatch these off shelves. I bet this Hamilton Coll. looks around for licensed characters and very carefully makes their license buys. And this will make money–like the Barbie/Ken Trek dolls–plus get Trek into all kinds of niches and before eyeballs Where No Trek Has Gone Before.

You think this is bad? At least it sits upright. The ultimate will be Trek beanie babies…. oh god.

I don’t know, I think it’s pretty humorous and cute myself. I’d put that on my desk, if only to annoy this one fellow I know at work who would totally whine about it (like all the folks in this thread).

I’m still speachless.

What the hell is thing?

If you think this is bad just wait for the inevitable commercial tie-ins associated with the new film –

Spocka Cola

Jeff Gordon driving NSCR 1701

Rodden-berry breakfast cereal

The Mc Coy meal at McDonalds

I’ll give ya all I’ve got Cap’n! lottery scratch offs

Star Trek- Risk
Star Trek-Monopoly
Star Trek- Trivial Pursuit

Klingon cling ons

The James Kirk bobble head

An entire line of Wal-Mart “red shirt” fatigues, attire, and comfies.

The 1701 J.J. Abrams tank

Romulan footies

“Federation” starter jackets

Nike anti-grav swoosh shoes

“I’m a hoodie not a sweat jacket” hoodies

Boldly Go themed toilet tissue

“My other car is a starship” bumper stickers

Khan Noonian Singh along childrens books

The entirely predictable Mr. Spockato Head

The obligatory Politician usage of catchphrases-

“Those boys are being treated like a herd of redshirts! Bring them home now!”

” Thingsh are good…gettin’ better, tuff’ si-chuashuns over there, hard tuff’ ,difficult, Jamesh T. Kirk fella’ never packed up and quit a job before it was done, an neether will them, us, well, you know what I mean.”

if you guys see ANY of this, dammit I want my royalties!

“Too ugly to bear, or too beautiful to bear?”
— Is There In Truth No Beauty

“It would bear closer investigation.”
— That Which Survives

“On Vulcan, the teddy bears are alive,
and they have six-inch fangs.”
— Journey to Babel

“How can you bear to look at me …”
— Mark of Gideon

“The humiliation must have been most difficult for you to bear.”
— Plato’s Stepchildren

“It can bear up under full phaser power.”
— Operation Annihilate

“You were … the finest star ship captain …”
“Yes, I do remember that. It was a great
responsibility, but one I was proud to bear.”
— Whom Gods Destroy

Oh, there’s more…

Lego Star Trek

“Lil’ Trekkies” animated/puppet Saturday morning show (with My Space web page)

The Yet-To-Be-Named actor who plays Kirk goes off and forms his own band…”Federation Overload”

“Hi, I play Mr. Spock in the new Star Trek movie. As you know, Vulcans are vegetarians, and I’d like to introduce my new diet plan…”

And in a few years…

“Lil’ Trekkie vs. Predator” on Adult Swim

Absolutely Jeff,

Lest we forget the perfunctory,

new rave dance craze the “Beam up” with accompanying pop hit “Red alert pervert” performed by the Tribbles.

The Janice Rand themed womens perfume “Toilet’ de’ Yeoman”

Harry Mudd pies

Saurian brewsky and chewing dip pouch

Tholian Bowling balls

“Sweatin’ to the fist fights” featuring The Shatness stretching the hamstrings to Alexander Courages incidental themes

Chips Ni-Moy chocolate chip cookies

A whole plethora of Golf accessories featuring each character on a different club

Autographed William Shatner King James Bible with U.S.S. Enterprise page holder. For the more religious Trekker.

Star Trek kareoke

Spock rocks pop rocks candy

Tiberius Beef jerkey- it’s quite tough, like shoe leather

AOL version 1701

Microsoft Operating system Portholes 2008, and for Mac users Mac-oy

Scotty brand Scotch, for the distinguishing gentlemen

Geez, it even has a little “Kirk Smirk” going on.

#27+30 Josh T.
Good lists, but let’s not forget the deluxe selection of vibrators for women from the “Captain’s Log” collection!

I love it! It’s so cute!!!

Does it come with the chair?

I’m actually looking forward to all of the commercialism and spin-offs. Can anyone here remember a time a when Star Trek merchandise was in mainstream stores like Walmart or Target? I mean besides the dvds or a random novel? Bring on the toys! I’ll be a kid again in the toy sections.

I can recall walking in the toy aisle of Zayre, Airway, etc, in the late 70’s and seeing the toy isle chock full of the small box AMT Star Trek models including the Enterprise, Galileo shuttlecraft, K-7 Space station, Romulan Bird of prey, Klingon Battlecruiser, Mr. Spock, Command Bridge, and Mysterious interplanetary UFO.

The Dinky toys and Mego figures were shelve friends as well.

It reminds me of the B5 Ep where they set up a merchandise stand and Sheriden Spaces the Bear at the end of the ep. Maybe Shat could buy a bear and have it sent into space then Spaced.

I can also recall renting Star Trek- The Motion Picture on videocassette, back when VCR’s were 1000 dollars and had that incredibly cumbersome, whirring deck that opened from the top, and grabbing some Long John SIlvers, and watching that film over, and over, and over, everyday, for probably 6 months, except the part where the two crewmembers were killed in the Transporter accident, that scared the shit out of me for some reason, but hey, I was 7. Must have been the blood-curdling screams and awareness they were being horribly mishapen and distorted, dying an ugly, violent, unglamourous death.
Lord my Mom was pissed renting that so often.

Josh T. – That’s why my parents ended up shelling out $89.95 (back then)to buy a copy of the tape.

They also threw a fit when I wanted the 5 volume set that Paramount issued of TOS around that time, at $59.95 per tape!

hmmm. I think it looks a little like Matt Damon.

…just kidding, folks

CBS/Paramount has never taken their hands off the Cash Cow’s Teet called Star Trek and never will, unless it is to sell off chunks of the franchise as they did last year with the Christie’s Auction.

Star Trek has always been the punching bag for Paramount even though the Franchise has made the Studio Billions of dollars.

Trek Prop Zone

#36; ah, those really were the good old days. The only ones I didn’t like were the kid-sized phaser, communicator and tricorder models. I sooo wished they had been actual sizes. Had to wait til I was an “adult” to get them life-sized and functional (after a fashion).

slow week kids..if were gonna have 43 posts about a bear lol….as for the toilet paper…i think you know the joke;)


I glued BBs (remember BBs? They were from the Before Time) into the bottoms to give them some weight. Then I got fed up with their size so during the spring and summer of 1977, I looked at my filmclips under the junior high science lab microscope, compared what I saw to the Star Fleet Technical Manual, and built my own phaser and communicator from scratch! Not bad workmanship for an 11 year old!

This is the same kind of crap that companies such as the Bradford Exchange, Ashton-Tate Galleries, and the Danbury Mint create.

It’s very non-Scottish….

…in other words…


Further evidence that the new CBS Paramount regime are clueless. I think we should go back to the days of Gene Roddenberry’s original way to sell Star Trek merchandise.

If it doesn’t fit in an flat envelope, then we don’t sell it.

Now if only CBS would follow that rule this atrocity would never have happened.

Although, Star Trek costumed bears would be cool if they were done right.

Won’t someone think of all those Star Trek deprived toddlers and children with their soleless i-pods and laptops. We should be forcing a childhood on them.

Enough about the friggin’ bear! Who’s going to play Kirk? I gotsta know!!

I want a Borg Bear!